An open letter to the Rapture hopefuls

I am a firm believer in the philosophy that another person’s belief system is no concern of mine – I’ll debate with them if I feel I have decent points to make, but if someone thinks differently to me, I figure that’s their inalienable right as a human being. I insist on the same freedom, so why should I deny it to others? The world is an open and free system – I advocate a sort of ‘Brownian motion of philosophy’. Do your thing, but don’t impose it on others unless they invite it. But current events being what they are, it’s hard to keep one’s personal feelings locked down entirely, especially when people’s beliefs come out of the corrall of their own heads and start infecting the world at large. Believe what you will, fine. But lauding those beliefs as justification for atrocities in which you take an ideological glee? That’s over my line of permissiveness.

What’s got me so riled (apart from the fact that, despite the thousands of years we’ve had to learn better, we’re still trying to debate ideologies with lethal weaponry, often deployed against those who only subscribe to said ideologies in ignorance, if at all), is the inevitable emergence from the woodwork of the Christian fundamentalists – you know, the ones who find all other fundamentalism to be abhorrent and an insult to their own retarded belief systems?

I’ve seen a fair few examples of this stuff floating around in the last few weeks, and have left it well alone. “Let them be, it’s their freedom of choice and thought,” I told myself. But I’ve had enough – after seeing this story, linked to by the excellent PZ Myers, I decided that I have a right to use my own little platform to voice my own opinion. So here it is:

An Open Letter to the ‘Children of Jesus’

Should you be one of the people eagerly awaiting the Armageddon and Rapture that you joyously proclaim the current Middle East conflict the be the herald of, I’d just like to let you know that I am eagerly awaiting it too.

You know why? Because the thought of being ‘left behind’ on a planet that has been denuded of every single fundamentalist blood-lusting crackpot Jesus-freak by some miraculous intervention of an unknowable higher power REALLY F*CKING APPEALS TO ME RIGHT NOW.

I’ve read enough of the Bible to know that you people are hypocrites (goodwill to all men? faith, hope and charity?); you are also racists and ideological fascists of the worst stripe, and the idea of being rid of you, in a pogrom that would stain no other sentient (or indeed existent) being with guilt, fills me with the sort of zeal that I imagine probably inspires persons with less restraint, education and ethical conscience to go and burn down the houses of people they don’t like.

The world is, indeed, overburdened with the sinful. The human race is carrying a lot of dead weight. If your god wants you back, I hope he takes you sooner rather than later. If there is a heaven, and it is populated with people like you, I’ll go to hell with a smile on my face and a song in my heart.

Yeah. So come and firebomb my house, I’m an infidel and proud of it. I’ve not been the world’s most perfect person, but my conscience is pretty clear. As ambassadors for a religion (ostensibly) of peace and goodness, you’re doing a great job. Well, a better job than pondlife could do, at least.

4 thoughts on “An open letter to the Rapture hopefuls”

  1. Haha… not to mention the fact that God or Jesus or Peter or whoever would probably just send 90% of those so-called Christians to Hell anyway… hypocrites that they are.

  2. The God of the New Testament isn’t sending anyone to hell — he loves everyone. Same goes for Jesus and Peter. This is the admirable side of Christianity — the love your neighbor, turn the other cheek, a brother to all men side. Oddly enough, that’s the side that gets ignored by many of my fellow countrymen.

    I’m a relaxed agnostic, veering slightly towards an extremely loose and fuzzy deism as I get older. My take on religion is that I don’t have one, and as long as yours isn’t supposed to be mine, good for you.

    But enough about me. The real problem with the fundies, specifically the American red-state neo-fundies, is that they won’t recognize when they’re wrong. They keep calling for the Rapture, but the Rapture obstinately keeps not coming. Every morning, they have to get up and realize that despite how crappy the world is getting, their God has not seen fit to call them up to heaven. (Never mind that on a global scale, their world is a relative paradise.) Their God will never call them up to heaven, probably because He doesn’t exist. So we’re stuck with them and their intrusive mindset and their medieval attitudes. They’re not going anywhere, and I’m not sure who’s more disappointed, them or me. They’re willing to sell the future for a quick buck because they’re convinced that only sinners will have to deal with the consequences. I’m equally convinced (and I have history on my side) that I or my children, and hopefully both, will be here for the next few decades, and I’d like to see those decades not be miserable.

    If the fundies want to transcend to another plane of existence, more power to them. Speaking as a tenant of this particular plane, I’d like to request that they not trash the place on the way out. Since they’re utterly resistant to polite requests, basic courtesy, their own religious tenets, the rule of law or anything short of a large taser to the forehead, we’ll all have to fight them where we find them. Out here, that’s everywhere.

    Like the bumper sticker says: “In case of rapture, can I have your car?”

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