I’m a relaxed agnostic, veering slightly towards an extremely loose and fuzzy deism as I get older. My take on religion is that I don’t have one, and as long as yours isn’t supposed to be mine, good for you.

But enough about me. The real problem with the fundies, specifically the American red-state neo-fundies, is that they won’t recognize when they’re wrong. They keep calling for the Rapture, but the Rapture obstinately keeps not coming. Every morning, they have to get up and realize that despite how crappy the world is getting, their God has not seen fit to call them up to heaven. (Never mind that on a global scale, their world is a relative paradise.) Their God will never call them up to heaven, probably because He doesn’t exist. So we’re stuck with them and their intrusive mindset and their medieval attitudes. They’re not going anywhere, and I’m not sure who’s more disappointed, them or me. They’re willing to sell the future for a quick buck because they’re convinced that only sinners will have to deal with the consequences. I’m equally convinced (and I have history on my side) that I or my children, and hopefully both, will be here for the next few decades, and I’d like to see those decades not be miserable.

If the fundies want to transcend to another plane of existence, more power to them. Speaking as a tenant of this particular plane, I’d like to request that they not trash the place on the way out. Since they’re utterly resistant to polite requests, basic courtesy, their own religious tenets, the rule of law or anything short of a large taser to the forehead, we’ll all have to fight them where we find them. Out here, that’s everywhere.

Like the bumper sticker says: “In case of rapture, can I have your car?”