This has probably been done before. But my version has been optimised for the science fiction blogosphere (or maybe just personalised to my particular pathologies) – any additions you can provide, please hammer the comments field.
- You start thinking of other bloggers in your field in the same way that normal people feel about other people they actually know in meatspace. (Sfnal example: Finding myself at work wondering whether Athena Scalzi’s neck is getting better, and how Jim Hines’s second draft revisions are coming along.)
- When you have to duck out of a conversation at work or the pub that you were quite enjoying, you instinctively decide to subscribe to the comments feed via RSS.
- You quote the wisdom of bloggers in your field to people in meatspace and expect them to respect their obvious authority. (Sfnal example: “Oh yeah? Come on, Bruce Sterling debunked that, like, six months ago, man.”)
- When your mother calls and complains she has no idea what you’ve been up to for the last two months, you exasperatedly ask her why the hell she didn’t just click through your archives.
- When people ask you what hobbies you have outside of your day job, you say “I’m a blogger.” Then they say “oh, what’s a blogger?”, and you want to hurt them. (Sfnal example: You explain that you write articles about science fiction to an audience of around a hundred people you’ve never met, and then get upset that they’re not impressed ((or get angry when they ask if you collect Star Wars figures)).)
- You meet new people, and really resent the lack of an ‘About’ page attached to their forehead.
- The thought (or even worse, the actuality) of your home computer or internet connection having a serious hardware failure brings you out in a cold sweat. (True story: Last time this happened to me, my first thought was: “Sh*t, my computer’s fuXx0red. Better Google for a local repair place…”)
- You talk to people in the marketing department at work, and they have no idea who Steve Rubel is.
- You find the urge to respond to criticism by quoting your Technorati ranking. (Sfnal example: you respond to criticism by mentioning a link or comment you got from an author you admire.)
- Instead of chuckling at a meatspace bon mot, you actually say “lol” out loud, and then have to spend five minutes claiming that it was just a partial yawn.
- You spend so much time doing the insignificant blogging tasks that the things that actually get you traffic end up falling by the wayside. (Sfnal example: you get all your Google click-through and links from writing book reviews, but end up getting four hours sleep a night just to get a few hours of reading done each day.)
- You have about half of LifeHacker‘s articles from the last two weeks in your RSS reader’s ‘Get Things Done’ folder that you still haven’t read yet.
- You’re the only person at work who doesn’t bitch when there’s a lack of customers, as long as you’re at a desk with an internet connection. (Sfnal example: It’ll give you a chance to actually read an entire Hal Duncan rant in one sitting.)
- A meatspace friend tells you enthusiastically about their new blog or website, and you have to fight the sneer from your face when they scribble down an address with ‘myspace’ after the three w’s.
- You have nightmares about opening your RSS reader and seeing every category deep into three figures on the ‘to read’ counters. (Sfnal example: you dream David Brin has done three posts in a row that aren’t about conservative politics in the US, that David Louis Edelman had a great idea about leveraging search engines for the overall good of the human race and that Cory Doctorow’s Locus column went up last night.)
- Your itemised data-connection statement from your mobile phone provider has to be delivered by parcel post.
- You appreciate people who podcast because you can consume their material while doing those tedious unnecessary jobs like the washing up and the weekly shopping run. (Sfnal example: you’re halfway through about three stories and four interviews in audio form, and have to re-run the first three minutes of each instalment just so you know where you left off.)
- You write snarky self-deprecating link-bait posts like this one in the hope that some Digg habitue hasn’t seen much that impressed him in the last 24 hours.
Disclaimer: I honestly haven’t displayed all these pathologies. At least, not all in one day.